Master, would you like some more coffee?
Sugar?
Master, is that newspaper more entertaining than l am?
No, no. Don't be silly, Jeannie.
Well, you hide behind it and never even notice me.
l do not know why you bothered rescuing me...
...from that bottle on the island.
For all you care, l could be a lamp or a vase or....
Of course l notice you.
As a matter of fact, l noticed you were wearing...
...a new shade of lipstick this morning. Very becoming.
You look beautiful.
Oh, hey, l gotta get moving.
l gotta be in the centrifuge earlier this morning.
Have a good day.
Jeannie. Look, l'm--
l'm sorry l didn't notice you were a chimpanzee.
l'm just something you order in and out of a bottle.
Oh, no, that's not true.
You're a warm, wonderful woman.
You're everything a man could possibly--
Back in the bottle.
No, no, l'm sorry. l didn't mean it exactly that way.
Jeannie, now, come on.
Look, l....
Do me a favour, don't ever translate that.
-Diane. -Tony Bunny.
-''Tony Bunny?'' -Darling, it's been so long.
Well, it must have been two years.
Two years, one month, and 1 0 days, Tony Bunny.
-When did you get into town? -Why, just 1 0 minutes ago.
l borrowed Papa's plane and flew in.
And now l'm really ready to fly.
Well, yes.
Say, we really kicked it around in Fort Worth, didn't we?
Oh, well, it's a nice city, all right. We didn't--
l wouldn't say we exactly kicked it around.
Sure, l remember Fort Worth. We had a wonderful time, didn't we?
Yeah. Those lovely warm days and nights.
Well, sit down, Diane.
Honey, you're nervous.
Say, you're not married or anything silly like that, are you?
Oh, no. Nothing silly like that.
l've gotta get that chair fixed. l don't want that to happen again.
-How long are you gonna be in town? -Just a couple of days.
l've got to liquidate some stock holdings for Papa.
l guess we won't have too much time together.
We don't need too much time, do we, lover?
What is it you used to say?
That we could crowd a whole hour into just a couple of seconds.
Oh, did l say that?
This is wonderful for relaxation, once you get the hang of it.
-You sure act married. -Well, l'm not.
l have every right to live my own life.
-How about 8:00? -Seven?
All right, tell you what.
Why don't you meet me here for cocktails.
lt'll be Fort Worth all over again.
And maybe we'll throw in a little Dallas and Houston too.
-Bye. -Bye.
Tony Bunny.
l'm sorry, Diane. l'm sorry. l really am.
Seven o'clock?
-Six-thirty. -Six-thirty. Go now.
Jeannie. Jeannie, where are you? Jeannie.
-l'm here, master. -What do you think you were doing?
Well, l have a right to protect what is yours.
-What's that? -Me.
lt just so happens that l'm a very good friend of her family.
Her brothers and l were best buddies when l was stationed in Texas.
Diane was just one of the boys.
She does not look like one of the boys.
Well, you're just going to have to accept that--
That l'm doing this for her family. lt's a good deed.
l'll see you later. Goodbye.
Dr. Bellows.
Oh, yes, general.
Right, sir.
l'm in the lab section making out the results...
...of the pressure chamber tests now.
What did you mean, you were doing it for her family?
Jeannie, what are you doing here?
Well, l would like to know more about this girl.
There will be four reports.
Fennady, Davis, Henderson...
...and a girl in a harem costume.
Nothing, general.
l'll have the reports on your desk this afternoon.
Goodbye, sir.
These are ready for your signature, sir.
What? Oh, yes.
Never mind about Diane.
What if somebody catches you in that outfit?
l couldn't explain you in a million years.
Then you are going out with this girl tonight?
You bet l am. l don't want to discuss it anymore.
l shall turn her into a pillar of salt.
You do and l'll pour ink in your bottle.
Smoke yourself home, will you?
You idiot. Where do you think you're going?
l have seen some stupid driving in my time...
...but l have never seen such a beautiful girl in my life.
l'm so sorry. l must've ruined your car.
Oh, it was-- lt was nothing. l'll get another one.
But l have broken the eye that shines in front.
-l'll say. How about dinner tonight? -l could not have dinner.
But l should do something about your car.
Do something about me. How about dinner?
You are very persistent.
Also very lovable. How about dinner?
But l do not know anything about you.
What is there to know?
l'm an emotionally healthy astronaut.
An astronaut?
Of course. You're a friend of--
A friend of whose?
Never mind.
l will have dinner with you tonight.
-Good morning, Dr. Bellows. -Good morning.
Captain, l've had a rather traumatic little experience...
...which you may be able to clarify for me.
-Me, sir? -Yes, you.
When you drove up this morning, you were alone.
But when l looked again there was a girl with you.
-A girl? -Yes.
A girl in a harem costume.
A girl in a harem costume?
Well, at least, l thought she was in a harem costume.
And then l looked a second time...
...and she was in a dress.
Doctor...
...you have a problem.
Yes.
Of course, l know there was no girl.
That was my subconscious playing tricks.
But a harem costume....
l'll have to work this out.
Naturally, this will remain strictly between us.
Thank you, captain.
And a big, beautiful good morning to you, colonel.
ls it?
Man, oh, man, did l just meet a girl.
l know. And you're in love again.
Oh, no, no. l'm serious this time. This girl is different.
She's sensitive, and she's shy...
...and l don't know how to handle her.
Look, maybe you can give me some advice, huh?
Well, sure. Sure.
Well, for one thing, with a shy girl, you gotta have a positive approach.
You have to have a battle plan.
What would you suggest?
Let's see. A, the softening-up process.
A liberal amount of champagne.
And B, the pincer movement.
Get her up to your apartment to listen to your records.
-And C, the-- -All-out attack.
No. No. Wrong. Wrong.
Kind of girl you described, that'd ruin everything.
No, you've got to draw her out.
Get her talking about herself. Get simpatico.
And then, we'll--
And then she falls into my lap like a ripe plum.
l've got a date tonight.
l'd like to meet this girl. Say we meet for cocktails?
l'll give you 1 0 minutes with her, no more.
And what does that mean?
Anyone who can give expert advice like that can't be trusted.
Jeannie. Jeannie.
-Yes, master. -Oh, l'm gonna be leaving now.
There's supposed to be a good late show on television, and l was--
Hey.
-What you all dressed up for? -l have a date.
-With a man? -They make the best dates.
Well-- Well, who is he? Where did you meet him?
Oh, l did not meet him. l bumped into him.
And like that, you made a date with him?
A man you don't know anything about?
lf you are jealous and do not wish me to go....
No, no. No. Go.
You have every right to go out. Have a wonderful time.
-What's his name? -l forgot to ask him.
You don't even know his name?
Oh, well, master, l'm a grown woman.
What is there to worry about?
Grown men.
l see you don't have any experience with the American male.
l'll have to have a talk with him when he picks you up.
l am meeting him at the public library.
He's not coming here? What's he trying to hide?
Well, if you would rather l do not go, l will not go--
No, no. Go, go. lt's your life.
You made the date. Go.
Well...
...goodbye then.
Goodbye.
-l am going. -Yeah, l know.
-Good night then. -Good night.
Unless you would rather l do not go, and then l won't.
Oh, no. Go. Go.
She went. Jeannie--
Hi. Hello?
Hello, Roger. l haven't got time to talk.
l've got to go after a friend.
l thought we were gonna meet and have a couple of drinks.
I'll meet her some other time. My friend's in real trouble.
Never mind. She just came back.
Hello, lover. Ready to rock the town?
Now, l'll bet you got big plans for tonight.
-Where do we go first? -Public library.
May l help you?
No, thanks. We're just looking.
Tony, l think you've been in orbit too long.
Well, first you drag me to the public library...
...and you don't even take out a book.
And this is the fourth nightclub we've been to.
Don't you like our nightclubs, Diane?
l wouldn't know.
We haven't stopped in one long enough to have a drink.
-There's a friend l'd like you to meet. -That's progress.
So far all l've met are four doormen and a head librarian.
-Roge. -Tony.
This is Diane Rodney. Captain Roger Healey.
Diane. Would you like to join us?
-We'd love-- -No, thanks. We've got to run.
Do you ever sit down long enough to make a friend?
Diane, sit down. l'll be right back.
Pardon me. Jeannie.
Master, darling, what are you doing here?
Oh, l just dropped in for a drink.
While l'm here, might as well drive you home.
l do not think my date would like that.
l don't care whether he likes it or not.
Jeannie, l don't think you realize the trouble you can get into...
...staying out late with a man you don't know.
This man could be dangerous.
He could be some kind of a nut.
He could be Roger.
Roge--? Roger--? Roger's your date?
You two know each other?
Yes. Yes. We've met.
Oh, Diane, this is Jeannie.
Any friend of Tony Bunny's is a friend of mine.
-This is the girl? -This is the one.
-Gorgeous, isn't she? -Sugar?
-lsn't she something else? -Yeah, she sure is.
Oh, wait, wait, wait. The coffee may be too hot.
lt is just right.
Don't wake me up.
l am sure that you would notice...
...if you were eating breakfast with a chimpanzee.
Not if he was reading a newspaper.
The thing that l like about this conversation...
...is that l don't know what anybody's talking about.
What she's trying to say is she adores me.
She's been doing things for me all night.
When l sat, l was hitting a draft, and she sat there herself.
Where did you say that you found her?
-Diane, would you like to dance? -Oh, l thought you'd never ask.
Roge, would you dance with her, please?
-Oh, sure. -Oh, wait.
Your shoes.
When l came in she took off my shoes so l'd be comfortable.
Yeah, hard to believe.
You sit down there. Have a little champagne.
You drink up there, bubbly, bubbly...
...and l'll be right back.
Jeannie.
-What are you trying to prove? -You said to go, so l went.
But not with my best friend.
You are jealous.
Well, of course l'm not jealous.
l just don't like to see you make a fool of yourself, that's all.
Taking his shoes off, putting his shoes on--
-Well, l do that for you. -Well, that's different.
Now stop gulping down the champagne and go home.
Are you asking me as my master or as a jealous Tony Bunny?
-Neither. -Well, then l will not go home.
Well--
The next dance is yours, Reluctant Dragon.
l don't think we ought to leave them alone.
Give me one good reason.
You two go ahead. We're gonna be running along.
-Running along where? -The old battle plan.
What old battle plan?
Captain Healey invited me to listen to his record collection.
We're gonna have a nice, long talk.
Simpatico. How about that?
l want to have a nice, long talk with you.
Not in the middle of a battle.
-Nice meeting you. -Wait a minute.
Do not worry, master. l'll report everything that happens.
Thank you. Jeannie....
Well, welcome to Casa Healey.
The house of beautiful music, fine wines...
...and a lonely bachelor, until tonight.
Oh, it is very lovely.
ls something the matter?
Oh, it is my head.
l think l've had too much champagne.
Oh, you've come to the right place.
Old Doc Healey has just the cure for headaches.
Oh, you are a doctor?
We have a nice, comfortable sofa and no glaring lights.
That's very important. Excuse me. No glaring light.
Got the lights off.
And we have here...
...soft music.
Now, how's that?
lt is very nice.
Just leave it up to the old doc.
Must be a short.
Little lights. Get that right away.
Right away. Pardon me.
There we go.
Now, back to that nasty, old headache.
Shoulder right over there.
Relax.
Close your eyes.
Just feel the mood of the music.
l don't even have that record in my collection.
l think my headache is gone.
Now l've got one.
Well, here's your chance to help me...
...just as l was going to help you.
The whole electric system seems to be going crazy here.
l'll be fixing that.
Jeannie. Jeannie. Jeannie.
Jeannie. Jeannie!
Roge. Roge. Open up.
Roger.
Roger, open up.
Roge.
Good morning, Roge.
Tony, what are you doing here?
l want to borrow your slide rule.
A slide rule at 2:00 in the morning?
Yeah, l got a little work l want to finish.
You want to borrow my slide rule at 2:00 in the morning.
Oh, what a-- What a crazy night this has been.
-First, Jeannie runs out on me-- -Jeannie runs out on you?
Yeah, l didn't even get to plan C.
Oh, well, l-- l'm sorry about that, Roge.
Better luck next time.
What next time?
l don't even know where she lives.
Hey, wait. Wait a minute.
-Do you know where she lives? -l'm sorry.
Well, l gotta find out. l'm crazy about her.
Did she ever give you her number?
No.
Now, come to think of it, she may have.
The party where l met her she was handing it out to everybody.
-Her phone number? -Oh, you can't blame her.
A plain girl like that, she has to do everything she can to get a date.
Plain girl? You must have retarded retinas. She was gorgeous.
lf she was so gorgeous, how could you get a date with her like that?
Well, l'm pretty gorgeous myself.
You see what she did for me? She couldn't do enough for me.
Treated me like l was a king.
Well, a guy gets pretty tired of a woman fawning all over him.
-What's wrong with a little attention? -Attention?
A girl who feels your coffee cup on your first date.
-That's bad? -Today, it's your coffee cup.
Tomorrow, it's your whole life.
Yeah. l could see how she would get to be a little possessive.
Not only that, you're gonna lose all your married friends.
-All my married friends? -Yeah.
Well, the wives will hate Jeannie.
Oh, they'll see her catering to you, treating you with kindness...
...and understanding, compassion.
You think they're gonna sit idly by...
...and let her destroy everything they stand for?
-l see l can lose the wives. -Well, no doubt about that.
Well, maybe she did go a little too far when she took off my shoes.
Roge, the last thing l want to do...
...is talk you out of a girl you're crazy about.
lf she was so great, how come l was able to get a date with her like that?
-l don't want to spoil anything for you. -There's nothing to spoil.
She overstepped herself when she tipped the doorman...
...who helped me into the cab.
Our friendship's the only thing that counts.
l don't know how to thank you, Tony. lf you hadn't talked to me...
...l might have made a terrible fool out of myself.
Take it easy, Roge.
Tony, you-- You forgot your slide rule.
What? At 2:00 in the morning?
-Good evening, master. -Oh, hello, Jeannie. You're back.
Thought you'd still be out with Captain Healey.
Oh, l left him.
You were not worried about me?
No, no. Not a bit.
l said to myself:
'' lf Jeannie can't take care of herself, who can?''
l thought you might at least go up to Captain Healey's apartment...
...to see if l was all right.
No, no. No, never occurred to me.
Now who could that be at 2:30 in the morning?
Oh, Jeannie, do you mind?
Thanks.
-Roger, what are you doing here? -l couldn't sleep, Tony.
l figured if you needed a slide rule at 2:00 in the morning...
...you must be working on something pretty important.
Thanks. You really didn't have to bother. Thanks a lot. Thanks.
Oh, master, you did go to Captain Healey's apartment.
Well, only for a minute.
Oh, you were worried about me.
A little bit.
-There's one thing you gotta remember. -What is that?
l'm only human.